VICTIM? PROBABLY NOT.

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Do you really think that after losing someone, who at a certain point of time meant so much to you, will leave you unaltered?

Well, it changed my life for sure. Completely.

 “LOOK OUT!”

And I jarred awake yet again. Yup. Body clocks are definitely a thing. Time for a smoke I guess.

It’s been 6 years and I still jolt awake every night, at 3:03, completely drenched in sweat, with that choking feeling, lost. Though now, after all these years, I’ve finally found a few escapes. And I resort to them time and again. Nowadays, more than often.

We had gone for a drive to Marine Drive. Raj was driving. It was 3 A. M. and I had almost dozed off. That is when it all happened.

I woke up to the screeching sound of the tires and saw that our car was skidding forward. We smashed against a street lamp and the next thing I know is that I was lying on the footpath with shards of glasses all around me.

My vision was getting blurry. Trying to make sense of what was happening around? Where was I? What had just happened? I could feel sharp pangs of pain around my abdomen. Through my periphery I saw that our car had been flipped upside down and there was a figure lying next to it.

Rushabh was shouting from our now upturned car. Asking me to do something. With my ears ringing I couldn’t make sense of a single word he uttered. He was repeatedly pointing on the road. I focused my vision to it and noticed that it was Raj, he was lying still on the outer side of the road. “LOOK OUT!” Rushabh shouted.

And just there, right in front of me, in that very jiffy, another car ran over him. My very first thought was that I was dreaming but then reality hit me. Rushabh was asking me to help Raj as I was at a close proximity to him. I could have saved him. I had the chance. But I did nothing. Nothing at all. Did ‘I’ kill him?

We lost Raj. Rumours unfurled that we intentionally killed him. No one saw us as the victims of an accident. People ostracised us. They held us all guilty for all that had happened. And then, with those ‘ifs’, we started doubting ourselves…

We were not victims. We were still alive, with only a few scratches. What was our loss? We lost our friend. Right in front of our eyes. With those haunting ‘ifs’. It is just too selfish of us to call ourselves victims, right?

- Rtr Vaishali Munjyasara
Editor 2015-16
Rotaract Club of NM College


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