Digital Diary - Editor's Edition

 

How I Found My Calling

"I cannot let the fear of the past colour my future."
- Julie Kagawa

Until two months ago, my brain would doze off every morning as soon as I woke up. It sounds so normal, doesn't it? Happens to the best of us as we transition from school to college, you'd tell me. But it's most probably happening to you because you aren't getting enough sleep or are too lazy to wake up at 6 a.m. Every. Damn. Morning. Even on sacred Saturdays that we reserve for a long nap. 

My point is that you know, you probably find it easy. You are so sure that you would understand a difficult topic if you search for it well enough. That you can watch reference videos and absorb it all in a jiffy. But, until two months ago, I was afraid of waking up every day, feeling stupid in a crowd of the smartest brains. I was afraid of zoning out five minutes after waking up. I was afraid of having to see some numerical figures crammed up on my laptop screen and never knowing how and where and why to use them, every other morning. In a nutshell, I was afraid of the future and the oblivion that comes along with it.

That was until I found out that I wanted to write forever. Professionally, too. I put some restrictions on it, but for the most part, it didn't matter what I was going to write. 

What helped me overcome my fear, though?

First, a lot of crying and communicating. I was crying so often thinking about my future, which had never happened before, so that was a red flag. Communicating your troubles and fears to others, even to a single person, helps get more kinds of perspectives into your brain that you could never think about. I talked to my sister, who told me to just get through the graduation and then take up writing if I still want to.

Second, a teacher who teaches us a financial subject pretty blatantly and publicly told one of my classmates who has started baking as a profession, to run it full time and not stress too much about his subject or, in fact, anything that she wasn't interested in. It provided me with a perspective that you can, of course, change your course in the middle of a degree, a job, or a relationship. A little risk and faith in yourself go a long way to save yourself from heaps of regret.

Third, that one time when Papa told his sister on the phone that I was interested in writing, out loud for the first time. 

I have changed considerably from when I started my degree. However, no, I haven't overcome my biggest fears yet, like the fear of rejection, breaking up my closest relations in a snap, losing touch with my best of friends because I apparently (definitely) don't call enough. But we all work our way up from pebbles to large rocks, right?

Rtr. Yashika Chaturvedi,

Editor.