Lights. Camera. RCNM.

    One Step Forward Sometimes, someone would mention a wonderful thing about their sweet sixteens, and I would pull out my hair, trying to forget the self-deprecating things I felt when I was that age.   Sometimes, I would look at a photo of myself from two years ago, and I would break down, remembering how I used to be the one volunteering to click pictures because I never wanted to be in one. And then I would think about hiding - so much hiding from people and crowds and events and the world.   Most times, I remember being scared of never changing. Of having a stagnant mindset. Of degrading myself for the rest of my life like I used to. I was scared of the life I would lead if that happened.   Other times, however, I think about that one time I was on stage, and even though I fumbled, people were in front of me, listening.   I flip my hair twice, realizing that I do not look at myself in a video call nowadays.   My sister pointing a camera at me, I do not hide.

  How I Found My Calling "I cannot let the fear of the past colour my future." - Julie Kagawa Until two months ago, my brain would doze off every morning as soon as I woke up. It sounds so normal, doesn't it? Happens to the best of us as we transition from school to college, you'd tell me. But it's most probably happening to you because you aren't getting enough sleep or are too lazy to wake up at 6 a.m. Every. Damn. Morning. Even on sacred Saturdays that we reserve for a long nap.  My point is that you know, you probably find it easy. You are so sure that you would understand a difficult topic if you search for it well enough. That you can watch reference videos and absorb it all in a jiffy. But, until two months ago, I was afraid of waking up every day, feeling stupid in a crowd of the smartest brains. I was afraid of zoning out five minutes after waking up. I was afraid of having to see some numerical figures crammed up on my laptop screen and never knowing