Digital Diary - Edition 5

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 A Thousand Storms


To wounds, pain, acceptance and self-discovery

Stop trying to fix your body, it was never broken – Eve Ensler

Growing up had always been difficult for me with everybody around me being just perfect. I was just the ugly duckling in a sea of perfection. Being skinny was not a wrong choice that I had made, that was who I was. And being constantly reminded about it just made me drown in a deep pit of self-doubt. My self-worth plummeted downhill and I was ripped off my confidence.

When you don’t fit into society’s set body standards, you start getting treated as a nobody. Your opinions and your choices just don’t matter to them. You become invisible to them and slowly you start accepting your fate rather than standing up for yourself. You start getting tagged with millions of names and after a point of time, you just stop taking a stand for yourself. You start comparing yourself to everyone around you. “Why can’t I be like her?” The one question that slowly starts to eat you out alive. You get tired of all the weird stares that are passed your way wherever you go and finally you give in to it all. You let the people around you shape you as a person.

Being a small girl I let all of this define me as a person and slowly I started blending into the shadows. I let people walk all over me. Let all the things get to me. The bubbly, confident, happy girl with the spark in her eyes was gone. Now there stood a girl with insecurities in her place.

I was angry with society for treating me with just bitterness and never accepting me for who I was. But above anything, I was furious with myself for letting all of this happen to me. I wanted answers, I needed reasons as to why society differentiates between people based on the way they look. I wanted to know why nobody ever stood up for it or why had it been so normalized that people didn’t hesitate even once before commenting on someone’s body.

I was done being that girl in the shadows. It had to change. How long was I going to let people dictate my life? This was my life and I was going to take charge of the reins of my life. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, people would try to pull me down at every step, but I wasn’t going to let it affect me anymore. I was going to stand up again stronger than before and with more faith in myself.

 

 - Rtr. Jhanavi Diora
   Secretary 2022-23



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