Digital Diary - DE's Edition

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 Her Emotional Turbulence
It always starts with the little things like your leg twitching continuously or seeming to rush into things without patience or getting those butterflies in your stomach over every little thing. For me it was the feeling of unease and nausea whenever I had to do something I was not prepared for, it could be the smallest of tasks imaginable and I would still find it hard to process it let alone complete it. The thoughts of self-doubts creeping on me, step by step, making my confidence go down. At that time, 13- or 14-year-old Krinal didn’t know what suppressed emotions are, she didn’t know there was a healthy way to express these emotions because nobody taught her to. Nobody told her that these negative emotions are not her being a terrible person and this was okay, but only if they were dealt with appropriately. Now, I had two choices since I matured enough to understand, they were to either blame someone or get over it and start doing better. So, I wouldn’t blame anyone, not from the kindness of my heart, but only since I've always better understood myself by talking to myself and realizing things from mistakes. The wrong turns taken by the 13-year-old gave her experience to improve. Self-realization has to be the key element to deal with emotions.
The thing is whenever you are in that stage of suppression, in that stage where you have to put a happy face on all the time, you lose touch with yourself, you lose authenticity, and start wanting to be. My younger self - she started becoming a villain against herself, she was fighting herself and that has got to be one of the toughest times I could imagine. Trying to change according to third-person needs is a low no one should stoop to. It leads to a trait I try to get rid of even now known as people-pleasing. The disappointment that you have to endure because of this is not worth your state of content.
Now there is a huge question over me about the advice I would give to the younger Krinal and after a lot of thinking I don’t have anything to say to her which bothered me at first but I’m coming to terms with it because my mind treats this as another experience, another adventure and not a life lesson. This was a phase and I would like to treat it like that or my younger self, her or me, both wouldn’t like the pity. 

Rtr. Krinal Vira,
Departmental Executive.

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