Digital Diary- Editor's Edition

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Taking on the Reins

Scene 1 Take 2: The one where the protagonist showed a different side of herself.

You know why I said that because until a few months ago, I felt that my life was like any other riveting Bollywood movie and I was the protagonist of it, who acted on everybody else's terms but her own. 

I am the kind of person who's always sporting an ear-to-ear smile goofing around in a childish manner because that's what I have been doing throughout the course of my "film". I wasn't allowed to cry I wasn't allowed to be stressed because of what everybody else thought of me. This bundle of hidden emotions that I secretly bottled up in my head every night, coerced me to pull my hair out. Because  "Oh you are a smart girl you must score a 95%" "Oh you are a good student you aren't supposed to hang out with those brats". My entire personality was overshadowed by my academic performance. At times, when I didn't fair well in my tests, my directors would criticize every trait and skill that I possess. Any remotely negative comment and I would put myself through extreme scrutiny and self-doubt, part and parcel of being a sensitive human. I would let the opinions, pressures, and dictations; bestowed by other people upon me; influence the way I function.

I was sick of being accounted for anything lesser than the reality. I was tired of being narrowed down to The girl next door. I was fed up with being the girl who always has to smile and score.

I didn't realize until one fine day that I decided to get out of this and told everybody to shut any confrontation or drama. I JUST STOPPED LISTENING. Whatever anybody has said is their perception of me and I'm not answerable to that. I am responsible for my own thoughts only. To manifest them, I noted down everything that I wanted for myself by the end of the year. This may or may not coincide with other expectations of my directors. But who cares? The story revolves around and according to the decisions of a protagonist.  Taking the reins of my movie.

And turning a deaf ear was all it took. I am not saying I don't get affected by things anymore, because I am no Bunny and my life is no 'Yeh Jawani hai Deewani' movie that I can live on my own terms but it evidently helped. It was worth firing the directors and the movie goes on -- with or without them.

- Rtr. Krina Bhavsar,

Editor

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