Nasty Battles #7 - Mumbai Vs Delhi

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A tale of two cities - One was an epitome of arrogance, the other an epitome of humility. One prided itself in its gol gappe, the other quietly devoured its pani puri. One flaunted its red beacon cars, the other paraded its haute couture. Both were worshippers of drama though - one of the parliamentary kinds, the other, of theatrical kinds. One was Dilli, the other, Bombay.


Mumbai on Delhi - Delhi? Oh yes, the Capital.. Not that one's cared about it since the Commonwealth Games. Nevermind. Three things that define Delhi, though, would be - ARROGANCE, (ANNOYINGLY) HEAVY ACCENT and 'TU JAANTA NAHI MERA BAAP KAUN HAI'. No, seriously, after 'clubbing-shubbing' and driving drunk, all they manage to say on being busted is.. Tu Jaanta Nahi Mera Baap Kaun hai -_- (whatever gave them the impression that we care). 

And dear ladies, what's that place where you shop? Oh! SAROJINI! Are we dressing up for Dandi March or what! And oh! Let me tell you a secret, all Chandni Chowk to China managed to do was glorify the dirty streets of Chandni Chowk (you have to agree). 

And we just can't forget to mention the 'Cycle Rickshaws'. Are you kidding me? I thought it's 2015, not 1915! Also, we were really curious to know if you speak English.. You know.. Not that Honey Singh wala haan (rumour has it that it's all you speak o.o). Our sympathies.


Mumbaikars don't hate you, believe me, we just don't like a few things.. Like
-Your city
-Your city's happening and safe nightlife
-Delhi (C)haat (much hype.)


So we're good? Good.


P. S. FYI bro, every sentence ends with a FULLSTOP; NOT with  'bh*nch*d'. Thought you should know.


Delhi on Mumbai - Yeah so Bombay, or is it called Mumbai today? Just decide one thing! They say Mumbai is incomplete without mentioning these things - 
1.Filthy streets 
2.Sweaty mornings 
3.Forever late, crowded and smelly trains.


Voilà! That's Bombay, eh? Delhiites have zero issues with Mumbaiites or wait, was it Mumbaikars? (doubt if it's  even a word!) Just a few things I'd like to clear. You say we, Delhiites, break benches and slap people in Delhi's politics, we wonder what setting buses on fire and attempting to kill motormen qualify as! Sheesh! Then you have that concept you rave about 'Khau Galli'. Dear, Delhi is a Khau Galli itself! (and a big one for that matter).


I hope it's not a sensitive issue if we talk about your matchbox sized houses.. heard you shell out a fortune for them? Funny. Umm.. Just one question.. you have a bed in your homes right, or not?


Also, let me present to you a fact-file - 
1. Mumbai is NOT the New York of India 
2. Vada Pav is NOT heaven 3. And trains aren't the lifeline of this city. They could be a pacemaker, at the most.


And we've failed to fathom the obsession with sea. It's just Water, people. History says humans can live without a beach -_-


Just last week, I had to pacify my aunt. How scared she was of being executed in Mumbai for not speaking Marathi! I did tell her that she could be imprisoned but certainly not executed! What a relief. She also said that Mumbaikars are all pansy, wearing woollens on a 'chilly night' (read 20°C). Is it true? *awkward*


P. S. Mereko, tereko and apanko are not Hindi words. And Bambaiyya is not a language. Grow up.


Verdict - One faction says, 'Mumbai is a dying city', the other retorts, 'Delhi is already dead!'. These metropolises are not stopping the war anytime soon. Not that I'm complaining..


Till then, let's just revel in the shit people say in Dilli and Bombay.

(Written on behalf of the Dilliwallahs and Mumbaikars)

  
- Rtr Siddharth Tendulkar
  Editor







Comments

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