Digital Diary - Editor's Edition
Sometimes, someone would mention a
wonderful thing about their sweet sixteens, and I would pull out my hair,
trying to forget the self-deprecating things I felt when I was that age.
Sometimes, I would look at a photo of
myself from two years ago, and I would break down, remembering how I used to be
the one volunteering to click pictures because I never wanted to be in one. And
then I would think about hiding - so much hiding from people and crowds and
events and the world.
Most times, I remember being scared of
never changing. Of having a stagnant mindset. Of degrading myself for the rest
of my life like I used to. I was scared of the life I would lead if that
happened.
Other times, however, I think about that
one time I was on stage, and even though I fumbled, people were in front of me,
listening.
I flip my hair twice, realizing that I do
not look at myself in a video call nowadays.
My sister pointing a camera at me, I do not
hide. Instead, I pose like a dramatic Taylor Swift.
I catch my breath between countless
interviews, and when I look at my reflection, I see someone who tries. I go
through multiple papers that have my ridiculous, poetic handwriting on them,
and I recite 'Wow I am growing, you know?' over and over out loud to my sister.
Today, I look at the ground on which I
stand. It feels changed, firm, and sacred, and I have left my flip-flops
outside.
What I am trying to say is that you can
outgrow people and places for the better. And then, you will grow up. And then
your mindset blooms. You will think positive things that you always kept far
away from your mind, labelling them unattainable or labelling yourself
undeserving.
What I am not saying is that there is one
universal age by which you should grow up. Growing up is a process. Geographical,
environmental, mental, physical, social, academic and many other changes
determine how you change your mindset. You can have a shift of mindset at 11,
20, 40, or the age that you are now.
It is always the littlest of achievements
that bring us the most astonishment. If you don't pat yourself on the back when
you overcome fears like this, how do you even celebrate life? These fears feel
small at the moment, but they project your entire personality for the rest of
your life. So, you better take some pride in overcoming even a one-foot-long
hurdle.
For the most part, I have overcome this
fear of always being the same, that I thought would live and grow within me
forever. And, you know how I celebrate it? By smiling a lot, thinking about my
teensy-bit better mental health now.
-Rtr. Yashika Chaturvedi,
Editor
This is sooo goood🥰🥰❤️
ReplyDeleteWow! Love it❤️
ReplyDeleteGod!! This was beautiful and something that I needed. ❤️❤️
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